I Dreamt

God watched me and I was terrified
He was angry with my Words but I could not take them back,
I would not take them back and I did not believe.

High above the circus lights where my father sat and watched
He etched His Son out of paint and brush
And when I saw I could do nothing; when I saw that, I was nothing.

I clutched her close to me, because she was important
More important than myself, and so I held her closer
He drove His fingers between and pried her from my arms, crueler than the Devil.

I railed against the elements, against His speckled Hands
and I wept and undressed and I stood alone in my sweat
I had no will to oppose Him but I could no longer afford not to.

His Eyes like beams of red tapered light to cut my limbs apart
and His Hair like braided ropes to bind this Game to my veins
It was not Good and it was not Evil, it was Power and Conflict and Blood.

With nothing but my Words to build a vehicle against Him
and with nothing but my eyes to send the message up above
I could not stand alone but that He took everyone from me,

And because of Him I no longer had a choice.

Not Enough

When she left for college she called me at night. In the dark I lay there, listening to her regale me with stories of peace festivals and psychedelics and free thinking and independence and music; absently touching my face to reassure myself I was still a living, breathing animal despite the lack of living I was currently doing. She spoke of trees and hills and fog, and the ruby words rolled across her tongue and fell off her lips and straight through my ears into my heart, burrowing deep inside; making me wish they ran deeper.

I felt something, but it was not enough. My heart was broken, but it was not enough.