This Sickness

I never understood it until now.

I wanted to stop time and capture it in the palm of my hand,
to revisit upon convenience,
Hours upon hours of personal reflection

a photograph

I wanted to capture every single infinitesimal, inexplicably insignificant detail
And catalogue it,
To bring to mind a perfect pleasing place at will.

a memory

I wanted to know-- to live in this moment forever.
Because with the sun shining like that,
And the trees rustling like this,
And the sky so bright and blue,
and absolutely no one to answer to--

It is hellish in perfection,
the moment before the dream turns to a nightmare,
Before the score starts up and
the villain emerges from the shadows--

It is the first breath when you break the surface of the water,
It is the first rainfall of summer, it's the first dragonfly of spring,
It's the first kiss of a strange, new love.

It is the first step of newly bared feet on soft dirt and grass,
and it is hellish in perfection
and it is all that I want.